Clarity Before The Storm

So, today I've been sitting in my apartment waiting for the doom that is Sandy to rain over me... yep, that's a Who reference.

It was while I was sitting alone in my apartment that I let my mind wander a little bit, a dangerous prospect for me as a law school. I asked myself a question that I knew would lead to me writing something like this, so that's good I guess? Listed below is one of the worst questions a person sitting alone in an apartment can ask themselves and if you are in that situation I recommend that you turn back now.

Do I feel fulfilled in my personal life?

Man, that's like a slug to the chest when you're sitting all alone. There are a lot of things that went into answering this question. Questions of self-esteem, happiness of what I'm doing, happiness of life and other and I've come to this conclusion...

I'm not fulfilled.

Why is this? Do I question my decision to go to law school? No, I'm enjoying law school very much and am happy that I've taken this path. Am I upset that I have very few people I'm particularly close to? That may be. I enjoy the amount of acquaintances I have, but if you were to ask me a question of who I felt a deep friendship with in my life the answer to that question would be much smaller than I care to admit. Am I happy  in my relationship status? Not especially, it's very hard knowing that many of my friends and acquaintances are in relationships and I have no one to share life with at this point.

So, what is a person to do? Well, it's probably very simple. I need to finally manifest my feelings and continue to step further outside myself to get what I want out of life. I cannot be a idle spectator in my life, I have to get involved. This is a first step, the next step is easily the hardest one, which is to do these things.

Only I can be held accountable for these changes, so I hope that those of you who read this understand that I am not coming from a dark place with this. I'm not sitting at my table with the blade pressed to my wrist looking for attention. This is an easier way for me to manifest these thoughts and provide some peace of mind to myself and accountability for them by putting them out there for you to hold me to. I look forward to take this transformative journey with all of you in my life be you family, friend or acquaintances.

~ RB