Trapped

Tonight I sit in a prison
of my own making.
Held in by invisible bars that only I can see.

In my cage I wear a straitjacket of morals.
A responsible untouched soul
Boring, dull, unattractive.

On the outside, stand those who I envy.
People who understand what it is to truly live,
from one encounter to the next.

Tonight they mozy around, moving freely from one location to the next.
Neither caring where the next move is coming from or where the next stop is.
And I tag along, in my self-professed exile.

Tonight they wear costumes, hiding their true-selves from the world.
Masked and disguised from all of the world.
and I too, wear a costume, so show the world something I am not.

I'm a wounded bird.
Unable to fly, unable to soar,
unable to be fully free.

Free from self doubt and self loathing,
Free from what it means to be responsible,
Free from what it is to be an adult.

Tonight, the free inhabit the town,
making noises and causing havoc whichever way they do go
and I will sit idly by in my cage and do nothing.

I have written this sentence for myself
alone in self-exile with no one to blame but me
Held under a lock and key of dignity.

Perhaps one day soon I will leave this cage
but for now I sit and plan my escape,
I must fight to be free.